Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
