Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
