If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
