Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
