I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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