You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize