Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
40s are totally the cure
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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