I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
