So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
