I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
