Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
even my farts smell like vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
COCAINE IS GR8
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
