Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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