I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
