i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
