he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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