How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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