They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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