I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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