Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
