Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
