remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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