She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
