her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
