I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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