The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
