I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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