office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
