WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
