I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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