My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
