y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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