Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
