____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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