if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
