4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
