If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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