when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
