At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
