You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
