Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
