wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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