So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
