please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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