So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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