Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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