You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
