Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
