Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
