so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dear god my vagina.
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