Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
