and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
