Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
