If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
