If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
