cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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