I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You're like the curious george of whores
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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