Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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