I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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