never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
